THE TRUTH ~ Myth #5: I CAN REINVENT MYSELF

It is not uncommon for people in midlife to experience discontentment or boredom with their life or lifestyle (including people and things) even if it has provided fulfillment for years. "Midlife transition" is a natural stage that happens to many of us at some point (usually at about age 40, give or take 20 years).  

Midlife transition can include:

• Feeling restless and wanting to do something completely different
• Questioning decisions made years earlier and the meaning of life
• Confusion about who you are or where your life is going
• Daydreaming
• Irritability, unexpected anger
• Persistent sadness
• Acting on alcohol, drug, food, or other compulsions
• Greatly decreased or increased sexual desire
• Sexual affairs, especially with someone much younger
• Greatly decreased or increased ambition.

I want to be clear that this article is NOT about experiencing a “midlife crisis.” Why? Because, research proves that people who experience a “midlife crisis” is rare.  However, what is common during our mid years is called a midlife “ennui.”  Simply put, a feeling of listlessness and general dissatisfaction resulting from lack of activity or excitement. As a result, we often start to question and reevaluate our life.

As I was doing some research on this topic, I came across a great article written by Barbara Bradley Hagerty, Forget The Red Sports Car. The Midlife Crisis Is A Myth.  She writes about the five ways we misunderstand midlife.  What I found to be valuable was her explanation of the difference between midlife crisis verses midlife ennui. So, I am going to share the first 2 out of 5 points Hagerty makes.

1. It's time for my midlife crisis. In fact, midlife crisis is rare. The term "midlife crisis" was coined by a Canadian psychoanalyst named Elliott Jaques, based on his analysis of artistic "geniuses" as well as patients in his practice who felt an existential dread that there was not enough time in their lives to achieve their dreams. Gail Sheehy's book Passages turned the midlife crisis into a cultural phenomenon, symbolized by the red sports car, quitting your job or leaving your marriage. But over the past 20 years, researchers have tried to find evidence of a widespread midlife crisis — and failed. They believe only 10 percent of the population suffers such a crisis. What most people refer to as a "midlife crisis" is really a crisis or setback that occurs in midlife, such as losing a spouse, a parent, a job, or experiencing a health scare. Most people recover from these setbacks.
2. My midlife doldrums will last forever. While midlife crisis is rare, midlife ennui is nearly universal. Andrew Oswald at the University of Warwick and other researchers have detected a "U-shaped" happiness curve that seems to afflict people across the globe. (The low point in the U.S. is the mid-40s.) However, almost inevitably you become cheerier in your 50s and continue to grow happier through your 70s. Why? One theory is people reconcile themselves to the fact that they will not be CEO or a Supreme Court justice and begin to appreciate their lives — and the people in their lives. Also, brain studies show that your brain simply becomes happier after 50, as it ignores unhappy news and focuses on the positive.

You see, it is at this point in midlife that many people struggle with the “thought” of trying something different, transforming themselves, and pursuing their dreams. Those thoughts are often squelched, swept under the carpet, or simply ignored. Why? Because we become overwhelmed, disappointed with ourselves, and don’t even know where to get started. Believe me, I know just how hard it is to embrace change, resist complacency and get over the fear of “What if… I fail, my family won’t understand, people will laugh at me… (You fill in the blank)?” 

There are many posts, articles, and psychological studies that talk about “reinventing” yourself. Let me tell you, I am not a fan of that word at all! In fact, when I read posts on social media that respond to the question “how can I reinvent myself?” I actually cringe and want to pull my hair out.

My interpretation is that what you are saying is,

Myth #1: “I suck! I am not good at anything.”

Myth #2: “I must fix my weaknesses!”

Myth #3: “I must strive to be well-rounded.”

Myth #4: “I must be all things to all people.”

All of which are myths we learn to live by and that I have fully explored in past posts. The truth is WE ARE WHO WE ARE, which has been defined from conception and refined over time.  The act of reinventing ourselves, meaning to redo or remake completely, is impossible! Sure, you can reinvent yourself if you are a robot with mechanical parts that can be disassembled, replaced with new ones, and reassembled back together. But, the reality is, we are not robots. We are complex human beings.

But WAIT, there is HOPE!

It is called SELF-DISCOVERY and TRANSFORMATION!

If you are experiencing a midlife ennui, it is a time to think about your talents, turn them into strengths, and take ACTION to be the best use of whom you were naturally born to be - to discover your purpose and to create a meaningful life.

What is the difference between a talent and strength? As defined by Gallup,

"Strength is the ability to consistently provide near-perfect performance in a specific activity. Talents are naturally recurring patterns of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied. Talents, knowledge, and skills -- along with the time spent (i.e., investment) practicing, developing your skills, and building your knowledge base -- combine to create your strengths."

The key to increased satisfaction and ending midlife ennui is having a purpose - feeling, knowing, and understanding that you ARE part of something bigger than yourself or shall I say, your perception of self. And that you have talents that when discovered, strengthened, and applied will change the way you look at yourself and the world around you!

“WE ALL serve a greater mission on EARTH.” -Beckie Jorgensen

However, self-discovery and transformative change does not happen overnight. It is a journey not a fixed destination. But, it is humanly possible! In fact, Gallup’s research proves that when people focus on using their strengths, they are three times as likely to report having an excellent quality of life.

The first step is to discover your innate talents. Take action! With that being said, I must encourage you not to take the walk alone. There are many more steps ahead to turn your talents into strengths, discover your purpose, implement change, and create a meaningful life.  It takes resilience, time, and resourcefulness as well as a support system to take a deep dive inward (self-discovery), chart out a new path, branch out into unfamiliar territory, and stay the course - to rise to the challenge of true transformation.

As a Gallup Certified Strength Coach, I cannot think of a better first step than to discover your innate talents through StrengthsFinder. But it cannot just end there. In order for true transformation to occur, you need to invest in a Certified Strengths Coach to learn how to turn your talents into strengths and to have an accountability partner walking side-by-side guiding you to get from where you are now to where you want to be - to find purpose and create a meaningful life! Are you ready to invest in YOU?

Don’t Reinvent – Transform!

To learn more, please visit: www.beckiejorgensen.com

The Magnificent Palm Tree

The Palm Tree is a wonder of the World.

Tall, yet thin.

Its roots planted deeply into the soil.

As it grows, it matures and requires little care.

When the rain comes, it soaks it up like knowledge and stores it.

One branch may wither and break in the wind, only to be rebirthed again.

The Palm Tree stands the test of time, is challenged, yet fiercely survives.

One can uproot it and replant it.

It knows its place, its purpose.

It is a magnificent beauty to the World.

If only human beings could be so strong.

The lesson to be learned…

Be like a Palm Tree, stretch tall and branch out.

Cause like a Palm Tree, you were planted here on Earth for a reason.

Find your own magnificence.

Know it. Love it. Believe it.

LIVE IT!

- Beckie Jorgensen, Gallup Certified Strengths Coach

THE TRUTH ~ Myth #4: I MUST BE ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE

“Trying to be all things to all people all of the time is a fool’s game that will, in the end, drain mind, body, and spirit.” – Marcus Buckingham

What happens when we place the expectation upon ourselves to be all things to all people?

1. We stop paying attention to those moments in life that strengthen us.
2. We put everyone else’s needs before our own.
3. We allow our lives to be led by other’s wants.
4. We regret choices we have made or didn’t make.
5. We take on more and more responsibility to overcompensate for our feelings of regret.
6. We lack direction and purpose, feel stuck, unhappy, and weak.

The consequences are simply, YOU FEEL EMPTY and DEPLETED. The pivotal moment arrives and you ask yourself, “What am I doing with my life?” It doesn’t matter if you are in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s…it is a painful place to be.

In Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently, Marcus Buckingham addresses this very myth; I must be all things to all people.  He writes:

“Other people’s expectations of you can be extraordinarily persuasive. And damaging. Not that they want to damage you. It’s just that they have expectations of you, and you are carried along by these expectations, until you come to believe that their expectations are your truth.”

When we stop paying attention to our own voice, emotions and strengths, we give up the most important thing in the World, our own true, authentic self.  We merely become marionettes walking through life waiting for someone else to pull the string that directs our next move. That is, until the string breaks.

It is time to reclaim YOU! You don’t have to be all things to all people! Nor do you need to reinvent yourself.

“The secret to living a strong life is not hidden from you. It is not cached in some recessed corner of your personality. It is not “out there” somewhere in the future, in some perfect job you have yet to find or some goal you have yet to reach. Nor it is a random thing, tossed around haphazardly by the fates.” – Marcus Buckingham

You reclaim your life by looking inward, re-examining past successes, acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, and accepting yourself with love, respect and honor.

To get started, think about a time in your life when you accomplished something that left you feeling positively strong – one of those moments when you were firing on all cylinders and were in the flow. Vividly recreate that moment in your mind. What were you doing? What were you thinking? How did it make you feel? As you recall this moment, what is happening to you? Are you smiling? Perhaps, you let out a slight chuckle. Do you feel more energized? Hopeful?

What you just did was REDISCOVER THE TRUE YOU! Embrace, cherish, and recall moments like these often and you will live a strong, happy and fulfilled life.  It is never too late to start!

 The POWER of ME

Today, I choose MY life.

Not what you think it should be, want it to be or expect it to be.

Today, I choose ME.

Not who you want me to be, think I should be or expect me to be.

Today, I AM me.

The REAL me!

The me I was BORN to be.

Nobody can TAKE me away from me.

Today is the first step to FREE me.

It is the only step forward to BE.

Without the real me, I am useless.

With the real me, I am LIMITLESS.

I AM ME. 

–©2016, Beckie Jorgensen, Certified Strengths Coach

THE TRUTH ~ Myth #3: I MUST STRIVE TO BE WELL-ROUNDED

Once upon a time, the animals came together and founded a school with six subjects: swimming, crawling, running, jumping, climbing, and flying. At first the duck was the best swimmer, but she wore out the webs of her feet in running class, and then couldn’t swim as well. The dog was the best runner, but he crashed in flying class and injured his leg. The rabbit started out as the best jumper, but he fell in climbing class and hurt his back. At the end of the school year, the class valedictorian was the eel, who could do a little bit of everything, but nothing very well. (Andrea Sigetich and Carol Leavitt, MBA. Play to Your Strengths. New Jersey. The Career Press, 2008).

It is a deep rooted belief in our society that being well-rounded is the greatest path to success. But, what is forgotten in that philosophy is that, as complex human beings, we all have weaknesses. In my recent post, THE TRUTH ~ Myth #2: I MUST FIX MY WEAKNESSES; I came head-to-head with this universal truth.

I will not argue that at a young age, we need to be exposed to a variety of things. Sports, education, religion, music, art, boy/girl scouts, family traditions…the list goes on. But, the expectation that we should or will excel at everything is unrealistic. Rather, exposure to a variety of activities and experiences growing up tells us one thing – what are our strengths and what our weaknesses are!

As time goes on, we mature and develop our talents. We understand what we are good at and what we are not good at. We should feel no remorse or regret over our limitations. Yet, societal pressure calls upon us to focus our time and energy on fixing our weaknesses so that we become well-rounded.

The definition of well-rounded is, “someone who is skilled, capable or knowledgeable in a lot of different things”, that I can live with! But, when growing up, at least from my own experience, that was not the intentwhen people spoke about being well-rounded. The intent or message was, “in order to be successful, you must perfect yourself in all areas of life.”

Perfectionism! And, oh boy, did I try. I was in sports, went to girl scouts, attended catechism, studied hard in high school, worked at an early age at my parent’s business, went on to college, furthered my education with Graduate school, kept a clean house and learned to cook, read books, took personality/character assessments to learn about myself, read self-help books, kept to-do lists, created goals, …. All with one goal in mind – to be perfect!

UH-OH!

I suck at math, have no sense of direction, can’t read a map, am a horrible singer, don’t play a musical instrument, not artistically (painting/drawing) talented, and get bored with routine, methodical tasks. I drove my family nuts trying to overcompensate for my weaknesses and be perfect! As a young adult, I was labeled by those who knew me as a “perfectionist.” But, this belief that I had to be well-rounded, meaning excellent at everything, wasn’t what I learned from those closest to me growing up…it was from a much larger influence. It was based on what I read in magazines and books, watched on TV, learned from educators, and “what I heard to be true.”

Not only did I drive everyone around me crazy, but I drove myself nuts too! In actuality, it took me having my child to stop the “spin cycle.” I was exhausted trying to be “all that,” a wife, mom, daughter, sister, successful career professional…and “do it all to perfection.” Something had to give! I finally realized that I could not be perfect!

Success is not about being well-rounded or perfect; it is about clearly identifying our strengths and leveraging them to be the best of who we were born to be! It isacceptance of both our strengths and weaknesses.

One year and 7 months ago, I took StrengthsFinder and engaged in coaching to learn how to align my strengths to my personal and professional life. It was, by far, the best investment of my life. The insight and clarity, confidence and calm that filled my soul transformed my life. I felt as if the “weight of the world” was lifted off my shoulder. For the first time, I accepted ME!

Identifying, accepting, and intentionally using our strengths every day, and managing around our weaknesses, are the absolute keys to our success! The emotional and physical benefits are joy, happiness, fulfillment, success and HOPE!

H – Happiness
O – Opportunity
P – Purpose
E – Excellence

Are you ready to find fulfillment? Are you ready to create a roadmap to play to your strengths?

“When you play to your strengths, you may not be well-rounded, but you will be extraordinarily successful!” – Excerpt from the book, Play to Your Strengths

And might I add, happy, confident, and filled with a sense of PURPOSE! My friends, it is time to get on the bus. If you are ready to join the Strengths Revolution, I am here to coach, train, and guide you every step of the way!

Forget about being well-rounded; just learn to be the BEST of whom you were born to be!”

– Beckie Jorgensen, Certified Strengths Coach

“

Poem: The Talent of a Butterfly

There she lay paralyzed by her own thoughts of weakness.

She was unable to see the beauty of her own self-worth.

Until, she heard a voice.

Then suddenly, she uncloaked from beneath the dark shadows.

This voice gently reminded her of her own unique talent.

She began to stir.

Standing tall, she stretched upwards and her wings unfolded.

The light from above shimmered down upon her.

There she stood filled with power, confidence and beauty!

It was a sight that nobody would believe.

Those wings were her talent that when used gave her strength.

There was nothing standing in her way.

She had unlocked the key to her truest potential.

From there, she flew away!

- © BeckieJorgensen.com 2016

We all possess innate talents. We all have a unique calling. When we tap into our talents and develop them into strengths, we transform our lives to be the best of who we were born to be! - Beckie Jorgensen, Certified Strengths Coach

THE TRUTH ~ Myth #1: I SUCK! I AM NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING!

“You suck! You are not good at anything! You will never amount to anything! You have no talents!” 

-OR-

“I suck! I am not good at anything! I will never amount to anything! I have no talents!”

How many times have you heard people say this? How many people in your life have told you this? How many times have you said this to yourself? Well, what if I told you - scientifically, this is simply, humanly NOT TRUE?

You may respond,

“Yeah Right!” 

“Whatever!”

Do I have your attention yet?

Before you read on, please take a moment to STOP everything you are doing. Please do not bypass this step.

Take three deep breaths. As you breathe in, I want you to feel the energy of air filling your lungs. As you breath out, I want you to release any negative emotion or thought for the moment. Repeat 3 times…

Now, you have permission to read on…

If you are reading this right now, you are ALIVE and have a BRAIN, which means you are GOOD at something and that you have TALENTS! So reverse what I said, “scientifically, this is simply, humanly true!”  Let me prove it, in a simplified way, as I am not a scientist.

From conception, our brain develops a hundred billion neurons, or cells that begin to build the raw material of the mind by creating connections called synapses. A synapse is a connection between two brain cells that enables the cells to communicate with one another. By age three, each of your hundred billion neurons have formed fifteen thousand synaptic connections with other neurons. During the next ten years or so, your brain refines, focuses, and begins to ignore some of these connections. The stronger synaptic connections get only stronger, while the weaker connections simply break and die. By the time you wake up on your sixteenth birthday, half your network is gone. What remains is a unique network of connections that represent your talents.

Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, in their book, Now, Discover Your Strengths (The Free Press, 2001) define talents as our “recurring pattern of thought, feeling, or behavior.” Your talents, your strongest synaptic connections, are the most important raw material for building your strengths. Strengths?

YES! WHAT YOU ARE NATURALLY GOOD AT!  

So you see, it is impossible not to be good at something! We are all unique. We are all born with talents. Unfortunately, many of us walk through life without ever really knowing what our innate talents are. Instead, from birth, we are told about all the things that are “wrong with us.” Therefore, we focus our time and energy on fixing our weaknesses only to yield mediocre results in return. We lose all sense of identity, become confused about who we are, and develop self-limiting beliefs and perceptions about ourselves, which sets us up to fail or not try!

Why Know Thy Talents?

It is not about who you are not.

It is who you are.

It is not about what you need to fix.

It is what you strengthen.

It is not about what you did wrong.

It is what you do right.

It is not about learning something new.

It is what you naturally do.

It is not about a situation.

It is your destination.

-Beckie Jorgensen

Believe me!  I know all too well, how at a young age, I constantly compared myself to family members and other people and it caused me to wonder, "Would I ever be good at anything?"  I desperately wanted to be good at something, whether musically, artistically or at a sport.

BE CONFIDENT. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others & wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths & weaknesses, and it is only when you accept, everything you are & everything you aren’t, that you will truly succeed in life. – Ritu Ghatourey

I continuously searched, trying different things, until I discovered my talent as a long distance runner in High School. But, as I was laid-up in a hospital bed for a week my Freshman year in College with a severe kidney infection, I came to the realization that my “legs” and the ability to run wasn’t necessarily a “talent” that would carry me through life. By Sophomore year, I had switched my major from Sports Medicine to Social Work. I graduated, went on to Graduate School, and became an Child and Adolescent Therapist. Three and a half years later, I found myself in the same place, wondering … am I really good at anything? As an adult, I reverted back to my search, just like I did as a child.

I researched different career fields, hoping to justify a career change, especially after taking out heavy school loans to complete a 2-year Master’s program, which I knew I would be paying back for the next 30 years.  However, I knew one thing, I loved working with people. But, I could not really nail down “why” being a Social Worker was not right for me. Ultimately, I chose the field of Human Resources and spent 15 years in this career. Until about 2 years ago, when once again, I found myself in that same place, wondering…

That was, until September 2014, when I took StrengthsFinder and invested in Coaching. Yep, at 42 years old, two months shy of becoming 43, I discovered my natural born talents.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

I didn’t just discover my talents, put my StrengthsFinder report in a drawer, and move on. No, it was much, much, much more than that. I began a journey of self-discovery to learn how to apply my talents to my personal and professional life. Not only did I study the research, read books, invest in coaching, and study successful people, I observed and studied myself. My life!

 What did I gain from this? ANSWERS!

This is why in April of 2015 (a year ago this month); I became a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. Because, like many of you, I spent many years searching, trying different things, and asking myself the hard questions … all in the attempt to discover one thing, “What am I really good at?” But, this journey has answered much more than just, "What are my talents?"

It revealed to me…My PURPOSE in life!

In both my personal (mom, daughter, friend, partner, colleague) and professional roles (coach, consultant, educator, trainer, writer), my purpose is to inspire, motivate and empower people to discover their natural talents, turn them into strengths and take action to maximize their gifts to be the best of who they were born to be (personally and professionally).

Hence, why I recently published my book: Live Your Life: The Art of Leveraging Your Strengths to Live Your Purpose. Are you ready to find YOUR answers? To learn more and connect with me, please visit: beckiejorgensen.com.

Coming soon: THE TRUTH ~ Myth #2: I MUST FIX MY WEAKNESSES