THE TRUTH ~ Myth #3: I MUST STRIVE TO BE WELL-ROUNDED

Once upon a time, the animals came together and founded a school with six subjects: swimming, crawling, running, jumping, climbing, and flying. At first the duck was the best swimmer, but she wore out the webs of her feet in running class, and then couldn’t swim as well. The dog was the best runner, but he crashed in flying class and injured his leg. The rabbit started out as the best jumper, but he fell in climbing class and hurt his back. At the end of the school year, the class valedictorian was the eel, who could do a little bit of everything, but nothing very well. (Andrea Sigetich and Carol Leavitt, MBA. Play to Your Strengths. New Jersey. The Career Press, 2008).

It is a deep rooted belief in our society that being well-rounded is the greatest path to success. But, what is forgotten in that philosophy is that, as complex human beings, we all have weaknesses. In my recent post, THE TRUTH ~ Myth #2: I MUST FIX MY WEAKNESSES; I came head-to-head with this universal truth.

I will not argue that at a young age, we need to be exposed to a variety of things. Sports, education, religion, music, art, boy/girl scouts, family traditions…the list goes on. But, the expectation that we should or will excel at everything is unrealistic. Rather, exposure to a variety of activities and experiences growing up tells us one thing – what are our strengths and what our weaknesses are!

As time goes on, we mature and develop our talents. We understand what we are good at and what we are not good at. We should feel no remorse or regret over our limitations. Yet, societal pressure calls upon us to focus our time and energy on fixing our weaknesses so that we become well-rounded.

The definition of well-rounded is, “someone who is skilled, capable or knowledgeable in a lot of different things”, that I can live with! But, when growing up, at least from my own experience, that was not the intentwhen people spoke about being well-rounded. The intent or message was, “in order to be successful, you must perfect yourself in all areas of life.”

Perfectionism! And, oh boy, did I try. I was in sports, went to girl scouts, attended catechism, studied hard in high school, worked at an early age at my parent’s business, went on to college, furthered my education with Graduate school, kept a clean house and learned to cook, read books, took personality/character assessments to learn about myself, read self-help books, kept to-do lists, created goals, …. All with one goal in mind – to be perfect!

UH-OH!

I suck at math, have no sense of direction, can’t read a map, am a horrible singer, don’t play a musical instrument, not artistically (painting/drawing) talented, and get bored with routine, methodical tasks. I drove my family nuts trying to overcompensate for my weaknesses and be perfect! As a young adult, I was labeled by those who knew me as a “perfectionist.” But, this belief that I had to be well-rounded, meaning excellent at everything, wasn’t what I learned from those closest to me growing up…it was from a much larger influence. It was based on what I read in magazines and books, watched on TV, learned from educators, and “what I heard to be true.”

Not only did I drive everyone around me crazy, but I drove myself nuts too! In actuality, it took me having my child to stop the “spin cycle.” I was exhausted trying to be “all that,” a wife, mom, daughter, sister, successful career professional…and “do it all to perfection.” Something had to give! I finally realized that I could not be perfect!

Success is not about being well-rounded or perfect; it is about clearly identifying our strengths and leveraging them to be the best of who we were born to be! It isacceptance of both our strengths and weaknesses.

One year and 7 months ago, I took StrengthsFinder and engaged in coaching to learn how to align my strengths to my personal and professional life. It was, by far, the best investment of my life. The insight and clarity, confidence and calm that filled my soul transformed my life. I felt as if the “weight of the world” was lifted off my shoulder. For the first time, I accepted ME!

Identifying, accepting, and intentionally using our strengths every day, and managing around our weaknesses, are the absolute keys to our success! The emotional and physical benefits are joy, happiness, fulfillment, success and HOPE!

H – Happiness
O – Opportunity
P – Purpose
E – Excellence

Are you ready to find fulfillment? Are you ready to create a roadmap to play to your strengths?

“When you play to your strengths, you may not be well-rounded, but you will be extraordinarily successful!” – Excerpt from the book, Play to Your Strengths

And might I add, happy, confident, and filled with a sense of PURPOSE! My friends, it is time to get on the bus. If you are ready to join the Strengths Revolution, I am here to coach, train, and guide you every step of the way!

Forget about being well-rounded; just learn to be the BEST of whom you were born to be!”

– Beckie Jorgensen, Certified Strengths Coach

“

Poem: The Talent of a Butterfly

There she lay paralyzed by her own thoughts of weakness.

She was unable to see the beauty of her own self-worth.

Until, she heard a voice.

Then suddenly, she uncloaked from beneath the dark shadows.

This voice gently reminded her of her own unique talent.

She began to stir.

Standing tall, she stretched upwards and her wings unfolded.

The light from above shimmered down upon her.

There she stood filled with power, confidence and beauty!

It was a sight that nobody would believe.

Those wings were her talent that when used gave her strength.

There was nothing standing in her way.

She had unlocked the key to her truest potential.

From there, she flew away!

- © BeckieJorgensen.com 2016

We all possess innate talents. We all have a unique calling. When we tap into our talents and develop them into strengths, we transform our lives to be the best of who we were born to be! - Beckie Jorgensen, Certified Strengths Coach

H.O.P.E.

"Hope is a beautiful thing. It gives us peace and strength, and keeps us going when all seems lost. Accepting what you cannot change doesn't mean you have given up on hope. It just means you have to focus your hope on more humanely tangible and attainable goals." -
Julie Donner Andersen, What My Widowed Husband Has Taught Me

Every day, I wear a ring engraved with the word “Hope” on it. It is my reminder of my mission and purpose in life, “to inspire others to never give away their passions, dreams or hope!” Life throws many challenges our way and, for some, these challenges slowly chip away at our dreams, passions and hope. The emotional and physical toll of hopelessness eventually wears people out to the point where they lose all sense of purpose in life. But, there is hope!

I define HOPE as follows:

H – Happiness

O – Opportunity

P – Purpose

E – Excellence

In preparation for writing this article, I read Blogs, book excerpts, and journal articles on the scientific and psychological theories of hope. There is a lot of reading to be found, but not one magical answer! Rather, there is a contrast of agreement and disagreement between various theories, philosophies, and other research.

 In 1991, positive psychologist Charles R. Snyder and his colleagues came up with the Hope Theory. Hope was defined as the perceived capability to derive pathways to desired goals, and motivate oneself via agency thinking to use those pathways. Hope Theory defines goals, pathways, and agency as: 

• Goals – Approaching life in a goal-oriented way.
• Pathways – Finding different ways to achieve your goals.
• Agency – Believing that you can instigate change and achieve these goals.

Hope comes from within. It is developed from your thoughts, which drive your actions. In the study of Positive Psychology, there is a strong case between knowing and using your innate strengths, rather than focusing on your weaknesses, to foster and develop hope. From my own experiences and interpretation of research, I believe this:

People, who can create clear mental pictures of what they want in life, will create attainable goals to go after what they want, and will use their innate strengths to achieve it! - Beckie Jorgensen

Hopelessness is not a character flaw or inherent genetic state. It is directly related to the way you think and from past experiences. The good news is that hope can be learned and developed and the state of hopelessness can be erased. But in order to do that, we as "human beings" need to

(1) increase our self-awareness,

(2) identify and accept our natural born talents,

(3) take action to use and practice our talents to developed them into strengths, and

(4)

intentionally program our minds to create hopeful thoughts that motivate us to set and achieve our desired goals.

As the Holidays approach and 2015 comes to a close, here are some tips to setting your 2016 goals.

• Set a goal because it is something you really want, not what others expect of you.
• Make goals that stretch you, but are attainable using your strengths.
• Chart out A-B-C paths to each of your goals.
• When one path does not work, do not blame yourself. Move on to the next charted course.
• Practice talking to yourself using positive words, reducing negative self-talk and/or limiting beliefs.
• View problems as “opportunities” to learn and grow.
• Recall earlier successes in your life and what specifically did you say to yourself, think or do to achieve that success.
• Involve others to gain support and hold you accountable for reaching your desired goals.

 Hope is an invaluable gift to have and to share. Wear your hope proudly and serve others. Smile at a stranger, give a hug, speak words of kindness, express gratitude or lend a helping hand. You never know how one simple, intentional act can impact and give hope back to an otherwise hopeless person.

Here is to a HOPE FILLED 2016!

"You can make positive deposits in your own economy every day by reading and listening to powerful, positive, life-changing content and by associating with encouraging and hope-building people." – Zig Ziglar

Need help identifying your innate strengths or setting your 2016 goals? To learn more, visit: www.beckiejorgensen.com.

Living Your Purpose: The Power of Present vs. Future

Recently, I listened to the audio book, The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. I am going to share my own interpretations and learnings from this book, which I applied to my fourth talent theme, Futuristic, identified by StrengthsFinder 2.0. There are many positive attributes to possessing the strength Futuristic, but there is an awareness that comes along as well.

My StrengthsFinder Report described Futuristic in me as follows:

“Driven by your talents, you possess a high level of skill and/or knowledge about specialized issues, subjects, processes, or programs. You probably combine this expertise with your ability to set definite goals for the coming weeks, months, years, or decades. Because of your strengths, you channel your mental and physical energies toward what you can accomplish in the months, years, or decades ahead. The question you must answer is this: ‘How far into the future can I think before my ideas start becoming vague or uninspiring?’ It’s very likely that you periodically establish performance targets for the week. Once in a while, you think about what your life could be like in the future. Some of these forward-looking images may motivate or energize you to meet your weekly goals. Perhaps you do better work when you can concentrate on your near-term objectives. Instinctively, you create detailed and vivid images of what the future promises. You can describe it long before others can imagine it. By nature, you are eager to get started on a project once you realize what you can accomplish in the coming weeks, months, or years. You work very hard to breathe life into your big dreams. These often push and pull you into the future.”

Part of my journey in living out my purpose is the realization that I need to consciously live in the present moment. However, using my strength of Futuristic in my work as a Success Coach allows me to carry out my “Mission” to:

1. Paint the picture of what could be, 
2. Help my clients understand what makes them unique, 
3. Connect my clients to their talents and strengths to achieve awareness of their true potential, and 
4. Inspire my clients to take action, move forward and live their life purpose.

My point is that I made a very clear distinction on how best to use my talent, Futuristic, without creating mindset limitations that could prevent me from being my best self, living out my purpose, and achieving my dreams! Futuristic is only one of 34 talent themes identified through StrengthsFinder.

As I previously explained in my last Blog post, Expanding Your Strengths:

“Your talents do not exist in isolation. You are not just one thing or five things. You use various talents to respond to different situations, and you frequently use several themes at once, whether you know it or not. The more you examine theme dynamics in your life, the more you will understand how your talents make you who you are.” – Excerpt from Expanding Your Strengths by Curt Liesveld.

For the purpose of this Blog, I am isolating Futurist to simplify and demonstrate application of this particular talent to my learning's from The Power of Now, which has given me a new perspective and has reinforced that living out my life purpose is a learning process. A process that has tremendous opportunities for growth and development to be my best self.

Just one other point to mention is that learning to live in the present has also taught me that there is no such thing as “problems” unless I choose to create and view opportunities as problems. By being open to and welcoming opportunities, and removing negative self-talk/perceptions, I open my Universe to receiving the good out of every situation.

“We must be conscious and responsible for our beliefs and behaviors if we are ever to be free.” – Brendon Burchard

The Power of Now provided me with a new awareness, which is, futuristic thinking unregulated (in my own terms) can create an illusion that the future will hold promises of fulfillment, happiness, and success. However, the uncertainty of the future, the “unknown,” creates anxiety and fear within and “negative thoughts” about problems that really don't exist in the now.  

“Why evoke within emotions of fear and anxiety and spend precious energy creating a problem that does not exist? Doing so robs us of the joy of living in the present moment.” - Beckie Jorgensen

So I have to ask myself, "What can I do now?"  If the answer is nothing, I need to trust that present moment awareness will in-of-itself provide me with a clear solution when faced with an opportunity. If there is an opportunity in the current moment that needs my attention, I take action - remove, change or accept it. Viewing situations as problems vs. opportunities causes undue stress, suffering, and pain.

From past experiences, I know all too well the consequences that negative thinking has on physical and emotional health and well-being. I lost my sense of self and weakened my strength of positivity.

I would be remiss if I did not mention that positivity is my fifth talent theme identified by StrengthsFinder. Below is an excerpt from my report:

“By nature, you desire to leave behind a legacy of great value and worth. In the end, you want your life to have mattered. For this reason, you are impelled to make a meaningful and lasting impact on the planet or people’s lives. Often you urge individuals to do their part in making the world, or at least their little corner of it, a better place for all living things. It’s very likely that you exhibit a deep fondness for people. This explains your ability to help others experience and compliment their accomplishments. Because of your strengths, you often motivate people. You patiently observe, ask questions of, and listen to each individual. This is how you pinpoint someone’s talents, skills, knowledge, interests, goals, and/or background. In the process, you usually discover the best way to train, coach, or praise the person. Instinctively, you like to lift the spirits of the people around you. You know what to do and say so individuals feel useful, valued, appreciated, and important.”

I share this specific excerpt because it demonstrates the POWER and meaning that positivity holds for me. Positivity is an innate gift!  If I do not intentionally fuel my positivity, my purpose of leaving behind a legacy of great value and worth is lost. My life will not have mattered.

“Every time you put something positive into the universe, the world changes. Your kindness invites miracles to show up, not just in your world, but in the whole world.” - Unknown

To stay present, The Power of Now teaches to also ask, "Am I experiencing joy, ease, and lightness in what I am currently doing?" If the answer is no, then I choose to change "How" and not "What" I am doing. By drawing upon my other strengths such as strategic #1, responsibility #3 and learner #6, I am able to create new ways to get things done.  

Because of my futuristic strength, I “channel my mental and physical energies toward what I can accomplish in the months, years, or decades ahead.” Setting goals is very important to me. But to fully live in the present, I need to focus on what I am currently doing now, not on the future results. You see, by focusing my actions in the present moment, I do not create those inner feelings of anxiety and fear nor do I create negative thoughts (i.e., What if I fail?) born from a place of “uncertainty or the unknown" or from worrying about the future results. Why?Because in the present state of being, I have already accomplished my goals and achieved success.

The Key Take-Away: We need to be aware of when our thoughts shift from the conscious (present) to the unconscious mind (past or future).  Listen to those thoughts, feel the emotions, and observe your reaction. But just listen, don’t waste precious energy judging or analyzing them. The art of listening to your mind alone can recenter you to the present moment and bring forth the tremendous value of clarity, confidence, and calm in living your life purpose!

“Living your life purpose is in the now. Not in the noise of past or future thoughts.” – Beckie Jorgensen

Expanding Your Strengths: The Next Level

Theme pairing is one of my favorite exercises when coaching clients who have taken Clifton StrengthsFinder or StrengthsFinder 2.0, and are ready to up their level of understanding to turn their talents into strengths. Doing theme pairing has also given me greater insight into answering my 5 key questions: What do I do? How do I do it? Why do I do it? What makes me unique? and What are my needs?

This summary is excerpts from the Kindle book Expanding Your Strengths by Curt Liesveld, “Your talents do not exist in isolation. You are not just one thing or five things. You use various talents to respond to different situations, and you frequently use several themes at once, whether you know it or not. The more you examine theme dynamics in your life, the more you will understand how your talents make you who you are.”

Theme pairing takes the top 5 talents from StrengthsFinder (if you have your expanded top 34 report you can choose as many as you like) and pairs them together. For the purpose of demonstration, I am using the top 5 talents sequence to walk you through the pairing steps.

Steps:

1. Talent #1 pair with #2, #3, #4, #5.
2. Talent #2 pair with #3, #4, #5
3. Talent #3 pair with #4, #5
4. Talent #4 pair with #5.

In addition to enhancing your own insights, theme pairing helps you examine how your talents can work with other people’s talents to form powerful and productive partnerships.

Expanding Your Strengths introduces you to theme dynamics and includes an interactive Web App which allows you to select theme pairings. If you are ready to take your knowledge to the next level, I highly recommend the Kindle version of Expanding Your Strengths that gives you a unique access code to the Web application. For more information click here: Expanding Your Strengths Amazon Link

My top 5 Talents are Strategic, Maximizer, Responsibility, Futuristic and Positivity. Here is what the pairing for these themes reveals:

1. Strategic + Maximizer = When considering future possibilities, I eliminate the bad to find the good and then sort through the good to find the best.
2. Strategic + Responsibility = Creatively conscientious, I am often aware of the multiplicity of ways in which I can provide service or help.
3. Strategic + Futuristic = My mind’s eye sees clear images of a better future and detects the best paths leading to future dreams.
4. Strategic + Positivity = I prefer to imagine and anticipate all the possibilities because it energizes me and clarifies what I do.
5.  Maximizer + Responsibility = I feel compelled to honor the commitments I make to others and to meet the standards of excellence I set for myself.
6. Maximizer + Futuristic = When I dream about my future, it usually includes me getting better at what I do well and doing more of what I do best.
7.  Maximizer + Positivity = I choose to focus on good rather than evil and on strength rather than weakness, and when I do, it creates energy and hope.
8.  Responsibility + Futuristic = I will make a serious commitment to someone today if it will help my vision become a reality tomorrow.
9.  Responsibility + Positivity = I am serious about the commitments I make to others, not from dutiful obligation, but as a joyful servant.
10. Futuristic + Positivity = My vision has a better chance of becoming reality if I use my emotional energy and enthusiasm while forming it.

Theme pairing is powerful and the more you examine your theme dynamics in your life, the more you will understand how to turn your talents into strengths to make greater sense of who you are.

“The key to intentionally using your talents to achieve higher performance, happiness, fulfillment and success is to turn talents into strengths.” – Beckie Jorgensen

Thinking about hiring a coach? Haven’t taken StrengthsFinder yet and would like too? I would love to chat with you. Go to www.beckiejorgensen.com and you can either fill out the Contact form or complete the pop-up window (if your pop up blocker is on, click Define Your Purpose on the top Menu Bar) for my special BONUS to purchase a StrengthsFinder Code and receive a complimentary 45 minute Strategy Session with me!

What is Your Life Purpose? Do You Know?

Confront Your Real Story Part 2: The Power of Persistence

On July 13, 2015, I shared a link on Facebook, Step-By-Step Blueprint to Monetize Your Message by Ted McGrath. This was a 3 part video series. Mr. McGrath shared in his Message 2 Millions about the power of story and a four step formula to create your story:

The Power of Story

1. The Call – Every story has a Hero. The call is the Hero’s journey. 
2. The Pit – Depths of darkness. Your private thoughts of despair. The power of vulnerability. 
3. The Search – Searching for the solution or the big breakthrough. 
4. Break through Moment – “Freedom!” 

His message reached the depths of my soul. That afternoon, I wrote a Blog – “Confront Your Real Story: Get Rid of the Ghost.” This was a very vulnerable moment for me. It was the first time that I ever wrote about and confronted my past. My very own personal story exposed to all who chose to read it.

Today, I began THE SEARCH. I am not exactly sure how this happened, but I went through my emails and chose to open one from Michael Hyatt. I started to look through his podcast series and found this: “The One Way to Guarantee You Won’t Succeed: 6 Tricks for Training Yourself to Persist When You Want to Quit.” As I listened to this podcast, I wrote down his 6 steps to persistence:

1. Break your project into smaller goals. 
2. Keep the end in mind. 
3. Improve your pace and renew your enthusiasm. 
4. Run and walk. There has to be recovery time even in the pursuit of a big goal. 
5. Kill the distractions. Stay focused. 
6. Change your self-image. See yourself as persistent and not a quitter. 

The reason I chose this podcast was because of its title. Over the past few weeks, my usual positive and hopeful personality was draining. I started to severely doubt my ability to be an entrepreneur, get clients, and make an income. With only a few hundred dollars left to my name and many projects “up in the air,” I started to slide into THE PIT once again. But, Mr. Hyatt’s podcast reminded me of yet another story about my life.

When I was in High School, I was a long distance runner, cross-country and track. My freshman year, I was #2 on the varsity Cross Country team. The leader of the pack was a senior. By sophomore year, I was #1 on the varsity Cross Country team and remained so through my senior year. Running became my passion. For all 4 years, I made the All-State Championships, moved on to the New England Championships, and became recognized as one of the state’s top runners. I set a goal for myself that in my senior year, I was going to win the Connecticut State Cross Country Championship. I was well on my way. Having been written up in the Hartford Courant Newspaper many times, my senior year full page article featured, “Mercy senior has love affair with running.” I was noted for not only my physical talent, but my discipline and mental toughness.

Then, the most unexpected tragedy happened. I had just finished defending the Class LL Championship for the third year in a row, set a new course record, and as I crossed the finish line I experienced excruciating pain in my left leg. I collapsed, could not stand up, and could not walk on my leg. All I could think about was that the Connecticut State Championship race was only a couple weeks away. Was I going to be able to run? Was I going to be able to achieve my goal as the State of Connecticut Cross Country Champion? Am I going to let my team and fans down? What was I going to do?

The next newspaper article written in the Hartford Courant stated, “Star Mercy Runner Out.” After several weeks of trying to run through the pain, rest, and try again with nothing but tremendous pain, my mom took me to the Yale New Haven Hospital of Sports Medicine. I had a severe stress fracture in my left tibia. There was no way I could run without risk of further damage. I was done for the season! I missed my chance!

persistence

noun per·sis·tence \pər-ˈsis-tən(t)s, -ˈzis-\

the quality that allows someone to continue doing something or trying to do something even though it is difficult or opposed by other people

I was absolutely devastated. Watching the State Championship from the side-line my senior year was one of those life moments where my mom would say, “This builds character.” Just like in my previous story, “Confront Your Real Story: Get Rid of the Ghost,” this was yet another time in my life where I had to make the choice: give up, give in, or fight. As you can see, there is a pattern forming here. I chose to fight, because I valued persistence!

Over the next several months, I was rehabilitated in my home by a former Olympian from the 70’s. I rode a stationary bike, worked-out on a make-shift wooden box turned into a weight bench, and trained. It took the entire winter to heal, re-gain my strength, and be able to run without limping. I had one more chance. Becoming the 3200 Meter Connecticut State Track Champion was my new goal.

The day of the Track Championships was also the day of my High School Graduation. I will never forget the date, June 5, 1990, as my mom had it carved into the back of a sterling silver cross necklace that she gave me in the morning before I left. The Championships took all day and the 3200 Meter race was the very last event of the day. It took a lot of persistence to remain calm, keep focused, and stay hydrated all day.

It was late afternoon and it was time. We all lined up on the track. My High School Coach, Rehabilitation Coach, and even the University of Connecticut Women’s Cross Country and Track Coach (I was being recruited to attend college at UCONN) were all there watching. The gun goes off…and well, the rest is history. I won the State Open 3,200 Meters in 11:10.24 to earn the title All-State Champion in Track for the first time! I did it! I reached my goal as the Connecticut State Champion!

That evening I went back to my High School, quickly showered, and made it just in time to walk into my Graduation Ceremony behind the tallest girl in my class. The entire auditorium erupted with clapping. Word had already spread like wild-fire that I had won. Now that was truly a moment to remember!

We all have memories, stories, and times we can look back upon to get us out of THE PIT. There is power in persistence, power in your story, power in your life lessons, and when you are faced with falling into THE PIT…SEARCH for the solution. Your breakthrough will happen. My search led me back to this story and one of my non-negotiable core values, PERSISTENCE.

I am out of THE PIT with renewed enthusiasm to move forward with my calling to help others never give away their dreams, passions, or HOPE! Give these tips a try and reclaim your FREEDOM!

Coming soon: Confront Your Real Story Part 3: The Break through Moment